This is the story of Rob and the first time he experienced Fentanyl. This is a personal narrative podcast series delving into the roots of substance use disorders as a social and cultural documentary to understand the history of the medication seen through actual experience, roots of behavior and biological impacts of fentanyl on a person’s life and the options, incentives, and resources available to leave this powerful opiate behind. Listen to episode 2 here.
The following interviews depict substance use and mental health disorders, including abuse, depression, suicide and trauma. Listener discretion is advised. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) also offers information and support.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). For treatment referrals, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. These are personal stories, not medical advice.
We’d like to thank our sponsor La Jolla Recovery, a 210 Digital Marketing client, for making it possible to share about mental health. La Jolla Recovery is an evidence-based addiction treatment center providing drug and alcohol detox and rehab programs in a tailor-suited manner in San Diego, California. La Jolla Recovery believes in meeting clients where they are at, and no matter belief systems or cultural background, will develop a customized program to break away from substance use disorders in an inspiring by the sea setting with some of the most passionate and world class therapists. For more information please visit lajollarecovery.com
Full transcript
Speakers: Gonzo D. (host) and Rob (guest). This transcript was machine-generated from the episode audio and lightly cleaned for readability; it may contain small errors. Names of other people mentioned in the conversation are withheld. Timestamps match the audio. Download the transcript as a WebVTT caption file.
Series introduction and sponsor message [00:00]
[00:00] Gonzo D.: This is Facing Fentanyl.
[00:02] Gonzo D.: Interviews with actual users.
[00:04] Rob: That was my first encounter with fentanyl.
[00:05] Gonzo D.: Their experiences.
[00:07] Rob: My nose was to the steering wheel and I could barely stay awake.
[00:09] Gonzo D.: But most importantly, the lessons leading them out.
[00:12] Rob: I'm the only person in that picture that is still alive today.
[00:15] Gonzo D.: Where they can speak of what it is to be facing fentanyl.
[00:18] Gonzo D.: The following interviews depict substance use and mental health disorders, including abuse, depression, suicide, and trauma. If you or someone you know are suffering from these disorders, we recommend reaching out to the National Prevention Lifeline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org or the National Alliance on Mental Health at nami.org. That's nami.org. Listener discretion is advised.
[Editor's note: the U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is now 988, call or text.]
[00:42] Gonzo D.: We'd like to thank our sponsor, La Jolla Recovery, before getting back to our interview. La Jolla Recovery is an alcohol and drug treatment center in San Diego, providing evidence-based solutions to addiction for over 12 years. The pandemic has impacted mental health immensely, and if you're wondering whether a loved one or yourself might be using a substance beyond recreation or fun or social bonding, La Jolla Recovery wants to answer all your questions in a private and confidential manner at lajollarecovery.com. That's l-a-j-o-l-l-a-recovery.com. That's again, l-a-j-o-l-l-a-recovery.com. Now back to our interview.
A first encounter with fentanyl [01:20]
[01:20] Gonzo D.: Rob, tell me, what is fentanyl? From someone who has experienced it, how could you explain it?
[01:30] Rob: Um, okay, so my first encounter with fentanyl, fentanyl was prescribed to a buddy of mine's grandmother who was terminally ill and dying of cancer. It's used pharmaceutically to treat people that are dying to just help them cope with pain. Um, but now it's like, it's almost like terrorism. Um, you know, um, I've been shooting heroin for 10 years and the first encounter I had with fentanyl, um, my buddy, whose grandmother was dying, she died and she had all these patches left, these fentanyl patches. So basically fentanyl is measured in micrograms, whereas like morphine or oxycodone is measured in milligrams. So milligram per milligram, fentanyl is stronger than morphine. So it's measured in micrograms and these patches, you put them on, it's like a transdermal patch, kind of like a nicotine patch, and they last 72 hours. And for 72 hours they treat pain. So he sold me one and I didn't know how strong they were and it was gel and I cut the corner and I ate the gel and I waited 30 minutes and got irritated because I wasn't getting high. So I ate the rest of the patch. And it was probably that evening and I got super loaded. I couldn't hold my eyes up and, um, you know, I was just wrecked from eating this patch. And I went to sleep and usually if I were to get super high on say like morphine or oxycontin and I got high at night, when I woke up I wouldn't be high anymore. But this next morning I woke up and I was going to technical school, technical college. So I get up at like 7 in the morning, I go to my first class and I'm literally still as high as I was the night before. So I was just blown away. So I attend my first class and I go to my truck to smoke a cigarette and, um, the next thing I, I think my class ran from like 7 to 8. So I get out of class around 8, go to my truck, smoke a cigarette, and I pass out. And the next thing I know I wake up and the parking lot's empty and the lights to the parking lot are on. And it's like 8 o'clock at night. And I was like, oh my fucking god, dude, I slept for like 12 hours. And, um, you know, I was driving home and like my nose was to the steering wheel and I could barely stay awake and I was just wrecked out of my mind. And this is really even before I got into like IV heroin and IV drugs. So that was my first encounter with fentanyl. And, um, so I started shooting heroin in about like 2011. And, um, I think about, about that time fentanyl was starting to be introduced as like a cutting agent. Like they were cutting their heroin with a little bit of fentanyl to make it more potent so people would go toward that heroin. And, uh, you know, it's still kind of available, like pharmaceutically every now and then people get their hands on it, but it's pretty tough. Like it wasn't like, there was a market for like prescription oxycodone that people were selling them, but there wasn't really a big market for like those patches. They're pretty hard to come by. Like a lot of doctors are really, like they pretty much won't prescribe them to you unless you have like chronic, chronic, chronic pain or like you're terminally ill and you're dying. So, but yeah, so I started shooting heroin for like two years and then, um, I just kind of gradually noticed like fentanyl creeping up. Like it was starting to be available in just like raw fentanyl powder form and it was like super potent and, um…
Stigma and isolation from friends [04:44]
[04:44] Gonzo D.: How common was this, meaning in school? Did you know other people?
[04:50] Rob: See, that's the thing. Like my whole friend group, they, they, they smoke weed and they drank and they partied on the weekends and then, you know, that was kind of the end of it. I alone, like I really kept my heroin addiction secret because all my friends, like they, they didn't want me in their car, they didn't want me in their house because they knew I had dope and I had needles on me and they just didn't want to be around that. So they were really like, my friend group really shied away from me.
[05:14] Gonzo D.: So it's a stigma even within drug users?
[05:18] Rob: The fentanyl?
[05:20] Gonzo D.: Well, yes.
[05:22] Rob: Oh, absolutely. Like, you know, um…
[05:24] Rob: Yeah, people don't want to be around you. Like, if you're strung out on heroin, you know, they don't want you in their house, in their car, because like, uh, you know, they know that you're doing shady shit, you're untrustworthy, um, you like to steal. I like to steal. I lied. Dude, I would lie so much to where like, I could, I could visualize my own lies and believe they happened. And, uh, it's kind of sickening. And I lied and I stole, I stole so much from my, my, my parents and my grandparents that like, even to this day it hurts, now that I'm sober.
[05:59] Gonzo D.: But I'm sure it didn't all of a sudden start from one day to another. How does exposure happen? Does it happen at a party, a friend shares it as something else?
[06:18] Rob: Uh, I don't know. Like, once I got into the heroin scene, it was just like, every now and then it would be available. You know, like my friends weren't like drawn toward fentanyl. My friend group personally, I had to go like outside of my friend group to like, I was dealing with like sketchy, so people so sketchy I didn't even like dealing with them, you know what I mean? While I was stealing and lying to everyone. I'm like, in that moment when I'm a dirtbag and I'm stealing from everyone and I'm lying to everyone, I don't want to be around these people. That's kind of how it, back then. Now it's more readily available.
How opioid use can start with prescriptions [06:50]
[06:50] Gonzo D.: What do you think drives someone to want to try opiates?
[06:55] Rob: Try opiates? I think, um, see, opiates are everywhere. Like if you've ever had a tooth pulled, um, if you've ever went to the emergency room and like you broke a bone, they're probably going to prescribe you, um, like hydrocodone or Percocet. So like a lot of kids, 12, 13, you can go in your parents' cabinet, probably find oxycodone or hydrocodone or maybe even like a codeine syrup. And those are opiates, you know, they're, it's, it's opium, they're synthetic opioids, you know what I mean? And, uh, so if you try, you eat two or three Percocet and you realize that you like it, you start to seek those out. And when you start to seek out more Percocet, these people, they have like higher strength oxycodone. Like that's when you get into like oxycodone 30s and like Dilaudid and like these really serious, gnarly, um, strong painkillers that are opiates, almost as strong as heroin.
[07:44] Gonzo D.: So it starts with prescriptions?
[07:46] Rob: Absolutely, yeah.
[07:48] Gonzo D.: This is Facing Fentanyl.